The Leap is metaphorical overkill.

30Jul09

I never really anticipated this moment. I’m leaving Melbourne, and I tell my friends that this is the best way I can chase my dreams before they run down the rabbit hole and elude me and my aversion to potions that shrink/enlarge me (diet pills included).

This is ironic, considering one post I wrote more than a year ago, where I said that home is here. That I felt more at home in Melbourne than I do anywhere else.

My friends have still maintained this idea in their minds, even if I’ve changed mine. Some of them have even opined that it’s unfair, this whole thing of befriending me, only to have me leave at some point in their lives. In a way, it’s like they’d rather I die than choose to go, to leave them in their everyday and go back to my own, which was merely halted in pursuit of something different.

Seniors I know tell me that life in Malaysia will be a shock. Heck, even the usually hunky-dory university pamphlet for graduates recommends a 5-step program towards normalcy, warning about common symptoms of ‘frustration’ and ‘depression’. Personally, after a summer of rediscovering my original home, another summer of waxing indignant lyrical about the differences, and yet another three months of reacquainting myself to my future in Malaysia, I think I’ve got an idea.

Several people I know have tried to postpone the inevitable with arguments against my leaving, using many of my own points (do I complain about the living standards in Malaysia THAT much?). They wonder aloud, to my slight annoyance, if I can ever live to my potential in Malaysia.

And although my final argument will always be that it’s Home, call me the idealist, but if I choose to charge towards greatness, I really have no excuses, do I? Not even ‘Reality Crashes Down’ or ‘Sith Happens’. I don’t dream to be the next Oprah (tacky) or even Donald Trump (tackier). I have several dreams, all of which I won’t mind coming into at some point in my life.

I suppose it also helps that my ultimate goal is to have a life well-lived, with more happy moments than sad ones, and the ability to always come back up after a fall.

I have no reason to live in Melbourne anymore. The truth is that simple. Given the opportunity I would, but my sole motivation would be the money. When it comes down to just that, I wonder if I’ve lost track somewhere – if I’m not really looking at my life, but just trying to get over each day as it comes.

I told my mother why I was so stuck between staying in Melbourne and returning to Subang, after she gave me what must be the telephonic equivalent of a little shake-down. I told her that my only motivation was for me to earn enough to keep my parents secure, pay off my tuition loans, and pay the rent and bills here. To which she told me that they didn’t me to look out for them – that their only wish for me is for me to do what I want and to be happy.

I love the people I was born to. It can never be said enough.

There’s this line in a song, one of those generic ones, which says something to the tune of this: ‘I’ve been waiting all this time for life to begin.’

And in a way, it feels in a way, like my life thus far has only been leading up to this.

Oh, look. This is where I leap.

See you on the other side.