ill.

Hati ini mahu

dipungut tidak sudi

diherdik tidak lali

bagaimana alam ini fana

begitulah hati ini

sakit….!

Tuhan saja yang tahu

kerana Tuhan saja yang dengar rintihan

yang tidak terungkap

sekadar termenung pada awan yang kian mendung

dan terpaku melihat dunia ini berputar

pada akal yang sudah tidak mampu mencapai

hati ini yang makin berisi

makin sepi

bengkak… terus membengkak

mahukan dunia

dada hilang ruang menaung

hati ini sekadar mahu, dan mahu saja

tidak pernah puas

masakan mampu dipenuhkan kata hati

yang diherdik tidak lali

dipungut tidak sudi

namun jasad harus terus bangkit

tangan terus menengadah

kerana yang menjadi saksi adalah mahsyar

dan Tuhan yang Satunya mendengar rintihan

tatkala mata berat melelehkan

kata yang tidak terungkap.

(Whoever’s up for it, minta tolong translate to English?)

the rebel’s qalb on trial

These past three months, I have been torn, I will admit as much here.

For a long while, I used to be a follower. I used to follow the crowd; try hard to fit in. Someone once asked me, “I thought you said you didn’t care what people thought of you.”

Right I didn’t.

Early this year, I came back to Melbourne, finding that once again, the kaleidoscope with which I viewed the world had changed. I had visited reality – it wasn’t pretty, but that reality was mine. And I knew that certain things that I had taken for granted – from this point on, they had to be questioned and re-evaluated.

And so I tried to tread my own way – to listen to the ‘real’ me inside, that I seemed to have lost touch with some time ago. The one that didn’t like mindless conformity. The one who questioned before judging, and definitely before accepting. The one who balanced everything with moderation. For Muslims, we walk the middle path between two extremes, the Furqan as our guide.

And I learnt that just because I didn’t think like everyone else, did not mean that tolerance was out of the question.

It’s true, at times I feel almost singled out. I feel like I am the weird one for questioning and searching for answers. I feel like an outsider, for not necessarily adhering to the societal mores (for I feel like I never have, anyway).

So I see my past lives (for I have had several), and know that God has prepared me to be a ghuraba’ either way – to be a stranger, walking foreign lands.

Political theory has always been my thing. And so I delved into it. Bediuzzaman Said Nursi once wrote in one of his many treatises, “…a person sometimes gets carried away by paying attention to the enticing broad sphere of politics and conflict.”

And yes. I was carried away by it, for a long while. I started looking into everything and anything at the same time. Somewhere along the way, I lost focus, despite my eye always on the main aim (my darling housemates made sure I had my head stuck in reality). I became wide-eyed by big names and ideals, which though pressing nonetheless, had sucked me in and whirled my mind.

All of a sudden, talk and action was all that mattered.

And so alhamdulillah, a little bit of dialogue occurred not too long ago, which had me seriously considering the balance between the mind and the heart. A fellow blogger I had come across had negated my opinion, which was that the dealings of the human heart (in its spiritual form) sometimes held higher importance when it came to matters of religion. His claim that even traditional scholars had not classified the mind and the heart unsettled me.

Not confident of my own knowledge, I turned to a learned and trustworthy friend for clarification.

Just the other day, I managed to catch him for a brief discussion on the topic. And having braced myself for his blatant, uncompromising honesty (which, I had thought, might be amazed at my incredible ignorance), I asked him about the theoretical separation between the intellectual mind and the spiritual heart in the context of Islamic spirituality. We discussed the work he had recommended me, which was Sheikh Abdessalam Yassine’s dissection about the Muslim’s understanding of the position of the heart and the mind as mentioned in the Qur’an. And I asked him if my understanding was right; that the heart and the mind, in all its simplistic terms, had equal credence in understanding religion.

“Well, you know, the mind is definitely important… it’s just that the heart, it’s more so.”

And that sentence, more than anything else, struck a chord within. They were simple words, yes, but they related to me more than so many other things I had heard these past three months – the ideologies and the huge plans. All the political theory I had been keen on digesting sounded impressive, and no doubt they made me think, but they did not fill the little furrow that was beginning to dig deeper within me. By instinct, I felt that his words were true.

I was too busy with doing the physical, that I had abandoned my heart for a bit. I may not have lost my way, but my heart was suffering out of malnourishment. For the longest time, I had felt as if my lungs lacked air, and I desperately longed to go away for space to breathe. I think that other times, my intention may have gotten skewed.

After discussing the study of Imam al-Ghazzali’s Ihya’ Ulumuddin with him, it dawned on me just how much I have been neglecting that most important part of my life – the spiritual one – that part of religion that the secular world despises for its ability to transcend minds, and expand the soul.

And I suppose that Banoffee, in all her maternal concern for me, had it right:

“Sometimes, when you don’t feel at ease with yourself, when your heart is uneasy, ask yourself time and again – how is my relationship with Allah? For if that part of your life is good, then everything else should be as well.”

Allahu’alam bithawab.

P.S: – Title duly borrowed from Sheikh Yassine’s book, ‘The Muslim Mind on Trial’, available here.

Keep up.

This article got me thinking:

‘FIQH AWLAWIYYAT : ANTARA GERAKAN ISLAM DAN KELOMPOK MANUSIA

Di kalangan manusia itu terbahagi kepada beberapa bentuk, iaitu seperti berikut;

a. Golongan nususi (tekstual)

Golongan ini adalah golongan yang tidak pernah melihat kepada maqasid hukum yang sehinggakan mereka mahu menyampaikan Islam tidak mengikut kepentingan awlawiyyat.

Kebiasaannya, golongan ini mendakwa bahawa mereka adalah golongan yang berpegang kuat dengan Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah, tanpa merujuk kepada pemahaman “Istidlal” atau pengambilan hukum yang betul.

Maka dengan demikian, mereka mengemukakan pandangan-pandangan yang tidak “bercaknakan” Fiqh Awlawiyyat, sehingakan kadangkala merugikan kepada kemenangan islam, seperti menimbulkan isu-isu khilafiyyah dan menyembunyikan isu-isu utama, seperti kenaikan harga tol yang bercanggah dengan Islam[11], kenaikan harga barang, “mengkondem” institusi-institusi agama yang tidak sehaluan dengan mereka, membuat tuduhan jahat terhadap gerakan Islam dan sebagainya.

b. Golongan Liberal

Golongan ini pula adalah golongan yang dikenali sebagai “muktazilah moden” yang sedang kuat menyerang agama dan umat Islam di seluruh dunia.

Golongan ini hanya mengambil pemahaman Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah berdasarkan kepada kehendak hawa nafsu semata-mata. Mereka juga kadangkala berhujjah dengan menggunakan kaedah Fiqh Awlawiyyat, tetapi penggunaan fiqh Awlawiyyat tersebut lebih kepada kehendak hawa nafsu, tanpa di asaskan kepada wahyu Ilahi.

Sesuatu kandungan nas Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah yang tidak bersesuaian dengan nafsu mereka, mereka tidak menerimanya, ataupun mereka mewujudkan penta’wilan-penta’wilan terhadap maksud nas-nas syarak tersebut dengan tujuan untuk menguntungkan kehendak hawa nafsu.

Tindakan mereka ini adalah “ciplak” dari tindakan yahudi terdahulu yang telah dinyatakan oleh Allah didalam Al-Quran.

Firman Allah;

أَفَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِبَعْضِ الْكِتَابِ وَتَكْفُرُونَ بِبَعْضٍ فَمَا جَزَاءُ مَنْ يَفْعَلُ ذَلِكَ مِنْكُمْ إِلَّا خِزْيٌ فِي الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا وَيَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ يُرَدُّونَ إِلَى أَشَدِّ الْعَذَابِ وَمَا اللَّهُ بِغَافِلٍ عَمَّا تَعْمَلُونَ

Maksudnya;
“Apakah kamu beriman kepada sebahagian Al Kitab (Taurat) dan ingkar terhadap sebahagian yang lain? Tiadalah balasan bagi orang yang berbuat demikian daripadamu, melainkan kenistaan dalam kehidupan dunia, dan pada hari kiamat mereka dikembalikan kepada siksa yang sangat berat. Allah tidak lengah dari apa yang kamu perbuat”

(surah Al-Baqarah : 85)

c. Golongan kesederhanaan

Golongan ini adalah golongan yang dinyatakan oleh Allah “umat yang pertengahan”, iaitu golongan yang mencari keadilan melalui pemahaman nas Al-Quran dan Al-Hadis.

Firman Allah;

وَكَذَلِكَ جَعَلْنَاكُمْ أُمَّةً وَسَطًا لِتَكُونُوا شُهَدَاءَ عَلَى النَّاسِ وَيَكُونَ الرَّسُولُ عَلَيْكُمْ شَهِيدًا

Maksudnya;
“Dan demikian (pula) Kami telah menjadikan kamu (umat Islam), umat yang yang pertengahan – adil- dan pilihan agar kamu menjadi saksi atas (perbuatan) manusia dan agar Rasul (Muhammad) menjadi saksi atas (perbuatan) kamu”

(Surah Al-Baqarah : 143)

Menurut Imam Fakhruddin ar-Razi, makna “umat yang petengahan” yang terpilih adalah umat yang pertengahan dalam semua urusan[12]. Iaitu umat yang mengambil Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah sebagai asas perjuangan, disamping “cakna” kepada tuntutan fiqh awlawiyyat.

Gerakan Islam yang berjaya adalah gerakan Islam yang berada dibawah pengkategorian “golongan kesederhanaan” ini, yang menjadikan wahyu sebagai dasar perjuangan, disamping fiqh awlawiyyat dijadikan sebagai “teknik-teknik” dalam menyampaikan kehendak wahyu.

AGENDA PERIBADI DAN AGENDA JEMAAH

Mementingkan “agenda peribadi” berbanding “agenda jemaah” sentiasa menjadi bahan “polimik” dikalangan ahli jemaah yang menyebabkan jemaah islam lambat mencapai kejayaan dakwah islamiyyah.

Bandingannya adalah kenyataan Allah didalam surah At-taubah ayat 19-20 yang menyatakan bahawa amalan berjihad lebih utama berbanding menunaikan haji di Makkah.

Firman Allah;

أَجَعَلْتُمْ سِقَايَةَ الْحَاجِّ وَعِمَارَةَ الْمَسْجِدِ الْحَرَامِ كَمَنْ آَمَنَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآَخِرِ وَجَاهَدَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ لَا يَسْتَوُونَ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ وَاللَّهُ لَا يَهْدِي الْقَوْمَ الظَّالِمِينَ * الَّذِينَ آَمَنُوا وَهَاجَرُوا وَجَاهَدُوا فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ بِأَمْوَالِهِمْ وَأَنْفُسِهِمْ أَعْظَمُ دَرَجَةً عِنْدَ اللَّهِ وَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الْفَائِزُونَ

Maksudnya;
“Apakah (orang-orang) yang memberi minuman orang-orang yang mengerjakan haji dan mengurus Masjidilharam kamu samakan dengan orang-orang yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari kemudian serta bejihad di jalan Allah? Mereka tidak sama di sisi Allah; dan Allah tidak memberi petunjuk kepada kaum yang zalim * orang-orang yang beriman dan berhijrah serta berjihad di jalan Allah dengan harta, benda dan diri mereka, adalah lebih tinggi derajatnya di sisi Allah; dan itulah orang-orang yang mendapat kemenangan.”

(surah At-Taubah : 19-20)

Ayat ini membuktikan bahawa amalan jihad fi sabilillah itu lebih di utamakan berbanding haji di Makkah, ini kerana, manfaat jihad itu untuk manusia ramai. Adapun haji pula, ianya sekadar manfaat diri individu yang pergi Haji sahaja.

Juga hadis yang di nyatakan oleh Rasulullah SAW;

عَنْ أَبِي أُمَامَةَ الْبَاهِلِيِّ قَالَ ذُكِرَ لِرَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ رَجُلَانِ أَحَدُهُمَا عَابِدٌ وَالْآخَرُ عَالِمٌ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَضْلُ الْعَالِمِ عَلَى الْعَابِدِ كَفَضْلِي عَلَى أَدْنَاكُمْ ثُمَّ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ وَمَلَائِكَتَهُ وَأَهْلَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرَضِينَ حَتَّى النَّمْلَةَ فِي جُحْرِهَا وَحَتَّى الْحُوتَ لَيُصَلُّونَ عَلَى مُعَلِّمِ النَّاسِ الْخَيْرَ

Maksudnya;
“Daripada Abi Umamah Al-Bahili berkata; di sebut kepada Rasulullah SAW berkenaan dua orang lelaki, salah seorangnya seorang yang ‘Abid (ahli Ibadat), dan satu lagi seorang yang ‘Alim (Ahl Ilmu). Berkata Rasulullah SAW; kelebihan ‘Alim berbanding ‘Abid adalah seperti kelebihanku atas manusia yang paling rendah dikalangan kamu, kemudian Rasulullah SAW bersabda : sesungguhnya Allah, Malaikat-Nya, Ahl Langit dan Bumi hinggakan semut di atas batu dan ikan-ikan – dilautan – berselawat kepada sesiapa yang mengajar manusia dengan kebaikan[13]”

Hadis ini menyatakan bagaimana kelebihan yang ada pada seorang yang ‘Alim berbanding seorang yang ‘Abid. Seorang yang ‘Alim, mempunyai ilmu yang dapat disampaikan kepada manusia. Adapun seorang yang ‘Abid, ibadatnya sekadar memberi keuntungan kepada dirinya, tidak kepada manusia ramai.’

I have, admittedly, been whingeing on and on about my new daily dependence on coffee (which has made my pharmacy-student housemate worried enough to look it up) and how I’ve hardly had time to breathe. I’ve been going on and on about how my newfound experience of keeping busy has been taking its toll on me.

The question I think I’ve failed to ask is: Should it be this way?

Which is why I’m very grateful for this current bit of being able to chill. Time away from the rest of the world can actually give you time to keep up; to relax and breathe a bit. To think things through, and try to let your mind give its reasoning under no pressure.

In my case, I’ve been re-thinking my niyyah, my intention, a lot. In everything I do. Because my heart has not seeked time to rest in a long while, and I’m worried.

Maybe I’ve been going through life as though I’m the victim. Maybe I’ve been too calculative, too selfish, taking offense at everything and thinking it’s all about me, me, me.

While reality does not agree.

Going through one_g’s article yesterday made me rethink things for the first time in a while. It was not the first time I had read about the topic. But the bit about the difference of an ‘alim and an ‘abid hit me hard, especially I had just seen it before in Aisha’s copy of ‘Al-Hikam’.

Has my intention thus far been for the better good of those around me, or merely for my own sake?

Maybe that explains my heart’s restlessness and lack of focus. In theory, it shouldn’t be this way. I’ve seen busier people (see: UMIS, FAMSY, MSA, YMA, MCCA). I know busier people, and they seem fine enough to me.

They don’t seem torn at all.

I’ve been telling people, if your heart feel unease, remember that Allah loves you in ways you can’t even imagine.

Maybe I’ve forgotten to heed my own advise for a while. It’s far time I did.

BananaToffeeCake and Me

Yesterday, while looking over the CBD skyline at sunset, I poured my heart out to Banoffee.

It was a summarized version. Three minutes, tops. But I felt so much better afterwards. When she placed her tiny hand on my back, I felt that yes, she actually understands.

Today, I gave her a longer version of the tale. And believe it or not, she actually managed to stare down at me. I was impressed, and also distressed. I suppose it showed. I was afraid that she might begin to worry for me, and she had a class to go to, and so I trudged over to the computer lab alone.

Which brings me here, thinking about all I have and all I have yet to do. This week will be impossibly busy, much like the ones before. Homesickness has yet to knock on my bedroom door, although nausea most certainly has. At times, stopping to breathe calmly is so foreign now, that I even think that I am about to have a heart attack.

How’s that for zikratul maut.

This computer lab is swelteringly hot, and I feel like I am about to pitam soon. But before I make my escape, I would like to share a hadith which has been on my mind for quite some time now:

“How amazing is the case of the believer; there is good for him in everything, and this characteristic is exclusively for him alone. If he experiences something pleasant, he is thankful, and that is good for him; and if he comes across some diversity, he is patient, and that is good for him.” [Muslim]

Don’t worry, Banoffee. Tawakkal tu ‘al Allah. I will be fine.

Saturday afternoon.

Have you ever felt like your life is centered around a whirl, and that you can barely stop to catch your breath?

Have you ever felt like each day has gone by so fast, and yet you feel like last Thursday happened a month back?

Have you ever gone a period where every single person who says hi to you follows it up with, “You look tired. Are you alright?”, and yet you don’t notice that you are?

And then you take a break. You take a day off. Away from it all, but only figuratively, because the spinning never stops. You just step away from it.

And the day starts out with meticulous planning and timing, and attempts at fixing broken words.

And then you slow down, and you feel as if you cannot be bothered anymore.

And then your head hurts, because everything has become too much, and you feel left behind. You almost just can’t be stuffed.

Then,
You step into an empty room.
And you breathe.

And you wash your face and feel the worry lines rinse away.
Your shoulders can be eased; the burden has been lifted.

And then you fall into rhythm and motion.
Once.
Twice.
Again.
Again.

And then you lift up your hands and just pray.
Sometimes, when it is quiet, and you’re sure that no one else is there, you can feel your heart speak to you. Or hear it say something greater than you ever imagined.

And you can just cry.

But the rest of life awaits you on the other side of the door.

This time, though, when you step out, you will take your time.
And breathe.

Wa amitha ‘alaa syahaadati fii sabilik.

Sometimes you need inspiration to help you pull through the days.

And I find that inspiring people help me learn to place the world in my hands, not my heart.

Much thanks goes out to ukhti Lubna for giving me this lovely surprise on a Sunday morning:

Ghazi Anwar Pasha’s Last Letter to his wife

Ghazi Anwar Pasha was from amongst those great Mujahideen of Turkey who had spent all his life fighting against the enemies of Islam. Eventually he was martyred by the Russians. Only a day prior to this he sent a letter to his wife, Najiya Sultana. This letter was published by her in the Turkish newspapers, and after being transferred was published by her in the newspapers in India on the 22 April 1923.

This letter is so touching and thought provoking that every young man should read it. An inspiring account of Mujahideen from the Ottaman period.

My Dearest Najiyya,

My life companion and fountain of happiness and joy dearest Najiya. The Almighty Allah is your guardian. Your last letter is in front of me at this moment. Believe me, this letter of yours will always be close to my heart. I cannot see your face but in between the lines and words of your letter I can see your beautiful fingers which used to play with my hair in the dark interior of tent, occasionally your picture fills my eyes. Alas, you write that I have forgotten you and that i do not care for your love.

You say that I have broken your loving heart and playing with fire and blood in a distant forsaken and I am unmindful of a woman who spends the night anxiously counting the stars.

You also say that I like war and my sword. But little did you realise when writing these words of yours, which undoubtedly were written with sincerity, out of deep love and devotion for me, will my heart.! How can I convince you [words are inadequate] that there is no one dearer to me in this world than you. You are the culmination of all my love and affection. I have never loved anyone before but you have stolen my heart.

Then what has separated me from You? O the joy of my heart! You can ask this question in a proper manner. Listen! “I am not away from you because I desire material gains of wealth nor is it because I wish to establish a kingdom or throne for myself as my enemies have publicly intimated. The only reason that I am away from you is that Allah’s Obligatory Command has brought me here [battlefield] There is no greater fardh of Allah than Jihad Fi Sabilillah{to fight in the path of Allah}. It is this command of Allah, the intention of fulfilling it entitles a person a place in Jannah.

Alhumdulillah I not only have the intention to fulfil this command but am actively carrying it out in the battlefield.

Your absence{judai}, like an arrow is cutting my heart into pieces every moment. Notwithstanding this I am happy in this separation as it is your true love, and your love which is the greatest test, a challenge to my intention and resolution of fighting in the path of Allah Subhanu Wata’aala.

I thank Allah Ta’ala a thousand times that I have been victorious in this test and have been successful in putting Allah’s love and command before my live, love and the pleasure of my desire{nafs}. You also, my darling must thank Allah Ta’ala and be happy that your husband possesses such a strong Emaan that he can ever sacrifice your love for the love of Allah.

Although Jihad with the sword is not compulsory on you, my love lest you are not exempted from it, no muslim male or female is exempted from Jihad. Your Jihad is that you must put Allah’s love before your love and pleasure and you must make the bond of love between your husband and you stronger.

Look, never ever pray that your husband must come safe and sound from the battlefield into your loving arms. This prayer is selfish and Allah will not be pleased. Rather let your prayer be this, that Allah accept the Jihad of your husband and bring him back successfully otherwise let his lips imbibe the cup of martyrdom. These lips you know my darling have never been touched or dirtied by alcohol, but have always been kept busy with reciting the Holy Qur’an and hymming the glory and praises of Allah Subhanu Wata’aalah.

Dearest Najiya! How blessed will that moment be when in the path of Allah this head which you affectionately called beautiful will be separated from the body which in your eyes was not a soldier’s body but a beloved’s body!

Anwar’s greatest wish is to be martyred and be judged on the day of Qiyammah with Hadrat Khalid bin Waleed {R.A.}, This world is a temporary one, Death will definitely come, Then why fear death? If death is definite, then why should a man die lying on a bed? Death in the path of Allah is not death but indeed life everlasting life.

Najiayya listen to my will! If I am martyred you must marry by brother Noori Pasha. After you, the dearest peron to me is Noori. It is my wish that after my demise he will faithfully care for you during your lifetime. My next wish is that all the children you bear tell them about my life and send all of them to the battlefield of Jihad for Islam. Remember if you do not fulfil this wish of mine, I will be angry with you in Jannah.

Farewell, my dearest! I don’t know why my inner feelings tell me that after this letter I will never be able to write another lettter to you. It is no wonder that I may be martyred tomorrow.

Look! make sabr, on my death be happy and do not mourn, because my death in the path of Allah is an honour for you. Najiyya! I beg leave of you and in the world of thought I am embracing you.

Insha’Allah we will meet in Jannah and thereafter we will never part.

Your Anwar

*Ghazi Anwar Pasha was martyred the following day Insha’Allah*

Of stories hidden deep inside.

Yesterday was memorable for several reasons.

Before yesterday, never before had I encountered an onion pungent enough to bring my tear ducts to their metaphorical knees.

And yesterday, I was told the story of someone I shall call Walid.

He had had leukaemia once. At that point, he was a Muslim by name only, but by the time he was pronounced cured, he had made one of the greatest transformations anyone had ever seen.

He had proposed to my friend, the sister of his friend, but her parents were concerned by the state of his health, and he decided to step down.

Some time later, he found out that he was in relapse, and that the leukaemia was back. Even with the bone marrow transplant he’s having soon, the doctors give him two years.

But my friend, the one who could have been his wife by now, told me that no one was really worried about that. Not because the reality of his illness was lost to them, but because they knew deep down that he would be fine. That when the time comes, he would have no difficulty of entering Jannah, because he had done good in this world.

Another sister who was listening, reminded us of the hadith qudsi, where Allah declares that should He love a person, then He will grant that person the love of the world around him.

Which was why, even through the scant beard and his pale face, nobody really worried about Walid.

I hid the stray tears behind a fake yawn.

Another moment would be at the da’wah table at during the Islamic Society’s barbie, where several sisters and I were standing, chatting with the people who came. A guy with brown curls, big eyes and a leather knapsack came up and asked about what activities we held. He told us that he was Muslim, but that he had drifted from Islam a long time ago, with a level of honesty that surprised me. As he signed up his details on the green sheet of paper, he told us when asked, of how he stopped going to the masjid when he was about thirteen. That his mother was non-Muslim, and that he could not see the point in praying anymore. When he went to get a pita-dog, I looked at his name, written in a neat cursive. Yasser.

And it was at that point that I told my friend that I needed a good souk, right then and there.

Yesterday’s brief glimpse of Yasser reminded me of this bloke who came by the UMIS booth during O-Week. His name is Brian, and whenever memory brings him back to mind, I see dark blue eyes and a huge, pleasant smile. I remember his earnest explanation of how beautiful he found Islam to be; of his nocturnal fasting month in Egypt, and of how beautiful the masajid in Malaysia were. He proved me wrong when he named Masjid Jamek to be one of them – as it turns out, he marvelled in its function, rather than its form. For a second, I was embarrassed at my shallow suggestion of the infamous masjid in Putrajaya.

As it turns out, my deen can seem so different, and yet so beautiful, in someone else’s eyes.

Sometimes I feel as if I’ve taken Islam for granted. Sometimes I feel like I do not fully appreciate this understanding I’ve come to; this way of life I was born and raised with. Sometimes, I’m scared that I’m running away from it all, as if I’m trying too hard to find compromises with the world. As if I didn’t have to answer to Allah at the Mahsyar.

And yet even when my heart seems to forget, Allah showers me with reminders, so that my qalb will remember.

Parsou, the day before yesterday, brother Abdullah mentioned something during a rather heated UMIS meeting, which went something like this:

“InsyaAllah, all of us, we hold Islam dear to our hearts.”

And I thought, isn’t it wonderful, how a single line can take your breath away, and bring back spirit to your hearts?

“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.”

(Surah ar-Rad, 13:28)