Familiar phrase?
Assalamualaikum, my dearest audience, wherever you may be. Do excuse my smirk.
Because I tend to JUDGE.
Just ask a few of my friends. Close ones, not so close ones; they’ll all tell you the same thing: That Syazwina is one to really jump to conclusions.
I’m not the only one. It takes someone with a lot of perseverance and a whole lot of wisdom and ‘salt’, as my Malay ancestors would put it, for one NOT to judge at the first glance something or someone. It’s really hard. And if you’ve got a good imagination to boot, it’ll be even harder not to create a whole other history behind that assumption. To inflict so many other interconnected factors to that one presumption you have of someone/thing, often without even experiencing said person/thing.
Being judgemental is far too easy.
I’ve been ‘revising’ some of the novels I’ve got in my meagre collection of readings (am trying to figure out whether I can finish Sayyid Qutb’s novel during my intended short stay at Ummu Lo’lo”s home, after exams), and something Deb Caletti’s observant, tongue-twisting heroine in ‘Honey Baby Sweetheart’ does, I’ve realized, is judge — a lot. And although reading as she creates stories behind those split-second effigies she makes up in her head is mighty fun, I tell you, she learns that not everything is as it seems.
This sounding familiar to you?
Something I’ve learned while living amongst this bi’ah is that I have many vices to fix. And one of them is being judgemental.
My sisters believe in believing in the best of people, because that is Islam’s way. They acknowledge that it’s hard, but they will always remind you to never think badly of anyone, and not give the devil any chance to do his nasty work at making you think you’re so much better than someone else.
For instance, I spend a lot of time over the semester’s lunch hours in the musolla, located at Frank Tate, and regular faces have become ingrained in my head. I recognize the usual visitors, and on the presumption that everyone who knows the access code into the prayer room is Muslim, I wondered why some of these regulars do not pray.
(It’s a sad but true fact, but let me continue.)
From what I can tell, some local Muslims simply don’t pray in jema’ah when prayer time comes. Some of them don’t pray while they’re there. And this happens too often, sometimes for me to associate their exclusion from jemaah to be due to their menstruating.
And so one day, pointing out a regular musolla visitor to one of my senior ukhti, I asked her if the girl was Muslim (she usually visited, and she wore no hijab, and she looked Caucasian, so you know –you wonder).
“I presume so.”
“But I’ve never seen her pray.”
And with a grim look on her face, she said to me, “Maybe you’ve just never chanced upon her praying. Anyway, I prefer to not presume the worst of her.”
And sure enough, a few months later, I saw said regular visitor all garbed in one of the long jubahs in the prayer room, rushing to make it to jemaah. I met her not once, but many times, and always in the same prayer jubah, as a matter of fact. She became an acquaintance, and by Eid, we knew each other well enough to say greet each other and have a little chat whenever we bumped into each other.
That taught me a priceless lesson. Alhamdulillah.
Assuming the best of a person (bersangka baik) is called husnuzon in Arabic (anyone actually proficient in the language is welcome to correct my phonetics). It’s something my sisters try to remind us to do — to think well of a person, even if they’re talking about us behind our backs, or even if they’re spreading rumours about us. Even if they give us snide looks, or half-witty sarcasm, or insult our faith.
Presume the best, and never judge.
Another example of this was during the first MUIS iftar this year. After Maghrib prayers and the eager consumption of food, there was a short talk by a local sheikh. He was fairly young, and he gave a good tazkirah about the basics of taqwa, and what small steps we can do to acheive piety.
One of his anecdotes had to do with what if John Howard visited the musolla, which was interjected by cynical chuckles by brothers and sisters alike. It’s only the thing to be done.
And with a smile, the sheikh said something along the lines of,
“I know he’s not the greatest person to be around, but instead of being mad at him, we should pity him, because he has yet to understand Islam. We should all pray that he will understand one day; that Allah will grant him hidayah (revelation).”
That quieted us down, and awed me. And I was reminded of it again after another ukhti mentioned his words during a tazkirah she gave.
After every single thing that Howard has done to give us Muslims a bad time in this country, and this guy has nothing but SYMPATHY for the man, when so many others would want to flog him so badly (admittedly, me included).
Imagine a world without presumptions and assumptions and sceptical cynicism. Sounds ideal and hence, unacheivable, doesn’t it? But my ukhti and akhi are living proof that you actually CAN stop yourself from judging people at the first glance.
To think of it, if it weren’t for ill-thought assumptions, Iraq would not be occupied by the US right now, because the brilliant George Bush Jr., and Donald Rumsfled (yes, I am taking a dig at them — I can’t resist) would not presume that Saddam was keeping weapons of mass destruction. That is, if we’re basing our opinions purely on Rumsfeld’s claims that their little sojourn into the oil-rich nation was only on that basis alone. Which I, ever the political sceptic, highly doubt.
But I digress.
Imagine.
(Please oh please, no John Lennon in the background, if you don’t mind. That would push the limitations of puns just a bit too far.)
So. Husnuzon. Try it. It saves you a whole lot of anger management issues, and a whole lot of self-conscious worry.
But if even that fails you, then I would like to quote Eleanor Roosevelt, the late wife of the former US President Franklin D. Roosevelt (but of course):
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
So if you feel like someone’s judging you, then it’s probably because you’re doing something that you know isn’t quite right by that person. And if you don’t feel comfortable with feeling guilty, then remind your ego that YOU’RE the one who’s letting yourself feel judged.
It’s all up there. *points to temple i.e. that hollow ridge by the side of the head, not the place of worship*
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been letting my mocha (from Gloria Jeans – their mocha is the best, and you guys should check out the Professor’s Cafe’s flat white… yum!) get cold and un-fun.
Wassalamualaikum.
), and the other was studying with me.
